Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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