I feel like I'm in dance class right now
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
