don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
