If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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