areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
