I swear god or herbie drove my car home
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
