Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Every concussion has its silver lining
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
