First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
