Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
