Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
