He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
