I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
