I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
