Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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