Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
