Betty ford says i'm here all night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
