Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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