I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
