I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
