haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
