we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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