This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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