cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
