batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
