he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
