The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
