just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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