There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
