Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
