I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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