before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
