i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
