the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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