My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
