My cat gives me a boner
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
