dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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