okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
