mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
