i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
