You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
