i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
