What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
