Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
