God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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