would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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