I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
