idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
