Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
