I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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