those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
