I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
