Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
