I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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