she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
