New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize