he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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