It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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