I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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