My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
