HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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