I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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