similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
