She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
