Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
