Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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