forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The ass gains better be worth it
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