he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
