i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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