You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
