i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
