Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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