Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yo dont text me then not text me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
