Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
